Letters of my Empress Alexandra
“…When is this all going to be over? When God wills so. I love my country so much even with all its infirmities. It becomes more and more precious to me and every day I thank God that He let us stay here and did not send us somewhere far instead…. I feel old… oh so old… but I am still the mother of this country and its pain is like a pain of my child. I love it despite all of its sins and horrors. No one can take a child from the heart of a mother, the same with the country, even though the dark ingratitude of
I remember the past. We need to look at everything calmly. What to do? If He sent us this kind of tribulations, obviously, He thinks that we are completely ready for them. This is like a test – we must prove that we did not go through all of these in vain. One can always find good in everything, no matter what king of tribulations we went through – let it be; He will give us strength and patience will not leave us. He is merciful. We just must submit ourselves to His will and wait – there, in the other world, He is having an indescribable joy awaiting everyone, who loves Him.
I trust that this ill fate will be over soon and the sky will become clear and cloudless again. We just need to have a little bit of patience – is it too much to ask? I thank God for every peaceful day we had. Months have passed (since the revolution)!! People were promised that they would have more food and warmth, but everything is getting only worse. They deceived everyone – and I pity all of them. We used to help to so many people – and everything is over now.
How horrible is to think of it? So many people depended on us. And now what? No one dares to talk about these things, but I am writing about it, because my heart suffers for those, who will have to live in worse times…”
(Translated by Tatiana Rozzell from “Wondrous Light. Diaries, Letters and Biography of Empress Alexandra”)
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