Heart Can’t be Split

So these nations feared the Lord, and served their graven images,
both their children, and their children’s children:
as did their fathers, so do they unto this day (4 Kings 14, 41)

This generation got multiplied to a legion: everywhere we see alike, “serving God and mammon” (Mt.6, 24), “halting between two opinions” (3 Kings 18, 21), “neither cold, not hot” (Rev.3, 15), or, speaking plainly, those who want to be good for everyone.

Where is the sin of these nations: while not being on either side, they serve both God and mammon, but in reality just drawing benefits for themselves only.

It is impossible to give oneself half to God and half to evil forces, which rule people so cowardly. It is impossible to only sometimes stick to the words of God and only partially live one’s life in it, and at the same time keep “the spirit of this world” as a measure of one’s actions and decisions.

Lord, will I really tell You, when You call me: “come later, I am not ready yet”? Will I muffler what You want to tell me now and instead turn to You when I am done dealing with this world? Can I safely split my life and my heart in two and give You only a part of me? When hesitating in-between two paths, I live that double life, which is so dangerous, not even realizing that God can take either first place in my heart or none.

And what will the children learn from parents like that? What are all the instructions, efforts, threats for, when there’s no Devine authority in lives of parents, which if parents would have submitted themselves to, children would to too. “Little children, keep yourselves from idols. Amen” (1 Jn.5, 21)

(Translated by Tatiana Rozzell from “Every Day is a Gift from God. Diaries of an Orthodox Priest”, author unknown)